what will my last day be like who will I be with will I know death is imminent as my consciousness fades?
and now I want to withdraw from this theatre of life no more lines no direction just my breath just my breath just my breath
so will anyone remember my name? can anyone recall my smile?
I reach out my hand and everyone telescopes out of view distant fading whispers but I cannot understand what is said please don’t leave, I wish to hear you laugh one more time before the door is closed before the dirt is shoveled in on top of me.
only moments ago we were recalling together the time we saw the mountains and smelled the sea I felt the sand between my toes my skin was warmed by the sun you were silently looking at the horizon. the squawking gulls hovered near by the sun began slipping away as I am now. goodbye to everything I have ever known…
in the dark silence I fly past Orion’s belt. I tip the hilt of his sword and grin, the gravity from the Dog Star pulls at my heels but I am weightless and unhindered. my joyous home awaits in the heavens. a candle lit by God sheds warm glowing tendrils those waves will tug and drag as I enter the door. but I will not want to leave. we will laugh together He and I at my prank. My Father waits. and I will never leave. my soul will nestle in the wells of space and I will know the love that burns beyond time past the door where men live and where spirits dwell. called to a place prepared for me where and when the heart will spin in its silver bowl of song and hold unspeakable caring for all who are not yet with us.
what is life. what does it mean. at any moment, so many things I could give my attention to. how to choose? it’s over so fast. standing at the end of it, I wonder how could that happen? I get up each day do my work make my meals have a laugh and retire it starts over next day but then I stop stand up and look back I try to see anything but it is gone everything all of it in a flash gone clods of dirt crumbled into dust everything is put away I desperately need to see a frame or two a storyboard but there is only a candle in a dark room the candle is snuffed out my day is done I move out onto the platform the dynamo tromps me down we are all gone.
so help me understand why when each morning came I could not find even one moment to hide away I should have captured a moment an image something for my album I should have bent down to hold your hands to offer a cup of broth to tenderly sooth anyone at all but their moments are gone mine yours everyone’s joys sadnesses cries shouts – all gone I want to start over please I want to fill the album with new frames frames of bright joy love compassion frames of honor frames of me lifting even one frail soul from the street but even the broken pixels are gone the grains of colloid were fixed but they disappeared anyway I hold out my hand I offer my soul the dynamo does not see I am trampled and disappear amongst the noise
Let us think, then, not of the past, but of how the past grew into what we are. And let us imagine what we might take with us to a new place. What will I pack up from the many rooms of who I am? Will the trunk be full or empty? And can I carry new things along the way? I’ve been told the voices from yesterday become our voices. But who will hear? What will my soapbox offer? I wonder, will it go forward? I want to be heard and want something to say worth hearing. I do not know what tomorrow will bring, but I will think of what might be. Hoping all along that someday, then, I will climb to new horizons.
now I am on my way one foot then the other crunching on the gravel then on the snow a long trek to the highest peak I can find I want to stand tall and lift my head to heaven when the chill of evening sets in He will be there as He has been all along the way and I will think of everything I’ve lived and of everyone I’ve seen and the power of it all will well up inside me and I will speak His name and all my tears will come forth nothing held back given so much but I can only offer my tears and yet I have one more gift— so I offer myself.
I counted the stars last night, my ritual in repose. But one was missing. One light gone. The black dot where once shown a glowing diamond, the empty spot in the heavens, it caused a sadness. Sadness now where once a star shown. I knew then and recall now how the simple joy came to me when I was made aware — a new light will pierce the fabric in its place. Someday a light someday a voice someday new moments. But presently only the echoes of where once a bright jewel sent light to my happy eye.
And I walked through that doorway a brick structure fortified by green leaves and bent twigs in a hollow that time forgot arriving within a few steps of paradise, I sat down on a carpet of reeds my verdant repose from which I plan to never return, so may you remember me now every corner of my home is living chlorophyll deep nourishing green pulsing its way to the top of the canopy. down below my skin reflects green and no place is more silent than the depths of my heart. So I am here in the hollows thinking of the passing of all other colors, for now the door has crumbled and no one can find my secret place.
I long to see the world all of it every corner every tree every puddle. All sorts of beauty awaits It is out there some passages freshened by the wind some as hot as the burning sand but it is all there waiting. And surely every place has a keeper someone who has passed through or perhaps when I get there I will become a keeper.
Will I meet you on that far shoreline? Might our eyes glimpse one another and our chins make a quick nod of recognition?
I long to see the world. I long to speak your name. I long to hear your story— all the places you have been and the place you hope I see. I long to speak your name so help me on my journey to see the world. help us all, in turn, to find the people and the places and freely speak our names out loud in all the far corners of the earth.
so now love for all love that will bring us together we all share one blood and I do not want to leave here with the burden of hate, so help me love help me show my smiling face to all and please let me offer my hand to anyone. why would I be here except to be part of that which we are all part of anyway? let the angels carry me to where the air is chilled and intertwined with ice crystals, the air that harbors loving souls and kinsmen who could not love, and then let me spew out my hot breath which is from You after-all, so I may be a messenger. because Your lungs are mine I know that together all of us can search out the unwanted together we can melt the hardened heart oh let me be an instrument whose chords send the harmonies to those in need. the sound of love is a trumpet blast fueled by us here on earth we will carry the glaring tones to the far corners— to every space the angels will take us to melt the frozen hearts and spread our open arms to every single soul for whatever they may need we will not judge we will not falter oh please help the angels to carry me there, and let my work begin.